7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it
was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see

each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she
asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and
sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
Thou shall not kill" [did u get it?]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a

lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
She's dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made


a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~

मोहल्ले मे लड़ाइयाँ (Funny Poem)

आपके मोहल्ले मे या यूँ कहूँ सबके मोहल्ले मे यह लड़ाइयाँ होती रहती हैं. चौपायों के लड़ने के पीछे की भावना हमे समझ मे नही आती है. वो मरते भी हैं तो हमे फ़र्क नही पड़ता जब तक वो आपके घर के सदस्य समान ना हों. ऐसी ही एक भावना और उससे जुड़ी एक घटना सुनाने का साहस कर रहा हूँ. आशा है आपको पसंद आएगी..


कि डेली पैंट शर्ट पहनने वाला पीलू
आज स्किन टाइट पहने
पीछे वाली गली मे खड़ा था
काफ़ी देर से गुप्ता जी के दरवाजे अड़ा था
नीचे गेट के जंगले से कोई झाँक रही थी
बाहर खड़े पीलू की पोज़िशन आंक रही थी

मुझे लगा अपने मोहल्ले की चिर परिचित पूसी है,
अरे नही दोस्तों यह तो गुप्ता जी की लूसी है.

बाहर खड़ा पीलू मंद मंद मुस्कुरा रहा था,
की "तुमसा नही देखा" यही गाना गा रहा था
तभी गुप्ताइन लूसी को लेकर बाहर आईं
देख लूसी को पीलू ने अपनी पूछ हिलाई

भाईसाहब उसके पीछे लग गये
इतने मे लूसी के भ्राता श्री जग गये.
अभी परसों ही इनसे झगड़े थे
और सेहत मैं इनसे मज़े के तगड़े थे
अभी कल ही बिछा बिछा कर मारा था
दवा दारू का खर्च आया हम पर सारा था
की आज फिर लूसी को छेड़ने जा रहे थे
दोबारा मार खाने का प्रोग्राम बना रहे थे.

हम उनसे पूछा "क्यूँ बे मरना है क्या ?"
अकड़ कर बोले प्यार किया तो डरना है क्या.

आज तो पीलू ने दीवानगी की हदे पार दी
देख लूसी को उसे आँख मारदी
की लूसी तो पीलू के ख्यालों मे खो गयी..
तभी बड़ी विकट एक अनहोनी हो गयी.

हाय हमारा पीलू था..... प्यारा,
बड़ी बुरी तरह बेरहमी से मारा.

उधर लूसी की डोली सज रही थी
इधर पीलु की मैयत उठ रही थी.

प्यारी लूसी को कोई और वर गया,
हाय हमारा दीवाना पीलू कंवारा मर गया

Three Parrots

Three Parrots

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?  

The owner said it was Rs.250.

Rs.250, the man said. "Well what does he do? 

"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost. 

The clerk replied,Rs.500, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer. 

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot. 

The clerk replied, "Rs.1,000." 

Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs.1,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was. 

The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.

 

But the other two call him "BOSS"!! 

WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE, JUST LET ME!

WHEN I'M 100,   IF I LEAN A LITTLE, JUST LET ME!
 
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.
 
After a short time out on the lawn Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.
 
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
 
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
 
A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said,  "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good!  How are they treating you?"
 
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew. . .
 
"They just won't let me fart!"
 
SHOW Some consideration J
 


 

WHY ONLY INDIANS ARE REBORN

WHY ONLY INDIANS ARE REBORN ...

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have
some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They're
swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and
Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and
BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for
discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since
they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!'

The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If
you want to know about real
problems, give Satan a call.'

Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'

Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having
down there.'

Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'

After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back. Now
what was the question?'

Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'

Satan says, 'Man I don't believe this .. Hold on.'


This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm
sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now.. These Indians are trying to install
air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting
out the fire..fire is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!! Since they are
so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone and IIT connection
between heaven and hell between ME and GOD. I am having such a hard time
controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying to start a chai -pakora, Chole batura, channa, Dosa and samosa, barfi, Chakli and
Dokla,
Jalebi, Idli, Paan shops,  which I had to stop..I am requesting you OH
LORD PLEASE send them back to earth as soon as they arrive for re-birth".

So this is the story why Indians are the only ones that are re-born!!!

(via @MamtaSingh_)

 

New Products..! (Really Worth - Innovative ways for Energy saving....)

.

Hotel offers free meal to guests who are willing to generate        electricity 

10image

The Crown Plaza Hotel in Copenhagen , Denmark , is offering a free meal to any guest who is able to produce electricity for the hotel on an exercise bike attached to a generator. Guests will have to produce at least 10 watt hours of electricity - roughly 15 minutes of cycling for someone of average fitness. They will then be given meal vouchers worth $36 (26 euros).

5image
Disco pub gets electricity produced by people dancing at specially modified dance floor  

7image


All the flashing strobes and pounding speakers at the dance club are massive consumers of electrical power. So Bar Surya, in London, re-outfitted its floor with springs that, when compressed by dancers, could produce electrical current that would be stored in batteries and used to offset some of the club's electrical burden. The club's owner, Andrew Charalambous, said the dance floor can now power 60 percent of the club's energy needs.

14image
Company creates a desktop printer that doesn't use ink nor paper
Image

Who says printers only use paper to print documents? It's time for you to meet the PrePeat Printer then. Different from conventional printers, PrePeat adopts a thermal head to print on specially-made plastic sheets. These plastic sheets are not merely water-proof, but could be easily erased, just feed the sheets through the printer again, and a different temperature will erase everything or just write over it. Also claimed by the manufacturer, such one sheet could be used up to 1,000 times so that you'll reduce your expenses on paper for sure.

6image
University constructs a green roof as a gathering place 
11image

Green design is an enormously popular trend in modern architecture, just take a look at this amazing green roof at the School of Art , Design and Media at Nanyang Technological University in Singapore . This 5-story facility sweeps a wooded corner of the campus with an organic, vegetated form that blends landscape and structure, nature and high-tech and symbolizes the creativity it houses. The roofs serve as informal gathering spaces challenging linear ideas and stirring perception. The roofs create open space, insulate the building, cool the surrounding air and harvest rainwater for landscaping irrigation. Planted grasses mix with native greenery to colonize the building and bond it to the setting.

9image
Designer creates a sink that uses wasted water to grow a plant

3image

Made of polished stained concrete, the Zen Garden Sink has a channel that allows the water used while washing your hands to water a plant. Created by young Montreal designer Jean-Michel Gauvreau the sink comes in single or double basin model. The sink is designed in a way you won't get your plants all soapy. There is a main drain at the bottom of the basin for soapy grime. Your little plant friend just gets whatever you choose to dole out.

4image
Designer creates a shower that forces you to leave when you've wasted too much water

2image

20% of our total domestic energy usage is from hot water for showering and bathing. That's over 6 times the energy usage of domestic lighting. So designer Tommaso Colia came up with his eco-friendly shower design that will force you to get out when you take too long and waste much water. The eco_drop shower features beautiful concentric circles that will rise to force you to stop showering when you take too long, and accordingly save water.

1image
Designer creates light-switch that changes colors to teach children how to save energy  

7image


Teaching the importance of energy conservation is the goal of this design from Tim Holley. He calls it Tio, and it's a ghost-shaped light switch that gives kids a visual reminder of how much energy they've used by leaving lights on. Tio starts out green and smiling. If the light is left on for more than four hours, he turns yellow and looks shocked. And if you dare to leave that light on for more than eight hours, sweet little Tio turns into a raging red hulk, complete with frowny mouth and angry eyes. But he won't just visually remind your kids about their energy habits; information from the light switch is sent to Tio's computer program so the entire family can see how they're doing. In a brilliant piece of visual positive reinforcement, Holley's program lets kids grow a ⤽virtual tree⤠which gets bigger and healthier the more energy they save.

13image
Environmental company creates a staple-free stapler to avoid staple pollution

Image

Staples are supposed to be so bad to the environment that a company decided to create a staple-free stapler. This product promises to make collation eco-friendly. Instead of using those thin metal planet-killers, the staple-free stapler "cuts out tiny strips of paper and uses the strips to stitch up to five pieces of paper together." You can even order them customized with your corporate logo so you can, you know, brag about what your company is doing to stop the staple epidemic.

6image
Designer creates an iPhone charger powered by a hand grip

0image
 

                                       Bottle Opener Remote

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                            Sauce Dispensing Chopsticks!

Att00002

                                Self-Locking Bendy Bike

Att00003

                                     Pillow With Arm Hole

Att00005

                                       Finger Guard

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                                      Pizza Scissors

Att00007

                                                 Retro vision Glasses


Att00009


                                   Car Swivel Chair

Att00010


                                       Tea Pot Frame

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                                 Keyboard Food Tray

Att00012

 
  
  
 


 



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New Products..! (Really Worth - Innovative ways for Energy saving....)

 

.

Hotel offers free meal to guests who are willing to generate        electricity 

7image

The Crown Plaza Hotel in Copenhagen , Denmark , is offering a free meal to any guest who is able to produce electricity for the hotel on an exercise bike attached to a generator. Guests will have to produce at least 10 watt hours of electricity - roughly 15 minutes of cycling for someone of average fitness. They will then be given meal vouchers worth $36 (26 euros).

9image
Disco pub gets electricity produced by people dancing at specially modified dance floor  

13image


All the flashing strobes and pounding speakers at the dance club are massive consumers of electrical power. So Bar Surya, in London, re-outfitted its floor with springs that, when compressed by dancers, could produce electrical current that would be stored in batteries and used to offset some of the club's electrical burden. The club's owner, Andrew Charalambous, said the dance floor can now power 60 percent of the club's energy needs.

3image
Company creates a desktop printer that doesn't use ink nor paper
2image

Who says printers only use paper to print documents? It's time for you to meet the PrePeat Printer then. Different from conventional printers, PrePeat adopts a thermal head to print on specially-made plastic sheets. These plastic sheets are not merely water-proof, but could be easily erased, just feed the sheets through the printer again, and a different temperature will erase everything or just write over it. Also claimed by the manufacturer, such one sheet could be used up to 1,000 times so that you'll reduce your expenses on paper for sure.

8image
University constructs a green roof as a gathering place 
Image

Green design is an enormously popular trend in modern architecture, just take a look at this amazing green roof at the School of Art , Design and Media at Nanyang Technological University in Singapore . This 5-story facility sweeps a wooded corner of the campus with an organic, vegetated form that blends landscape and structure, nature and high-tech and symbolizes the creativity it houses. The roofs serve as informal gathering spaces challenging linear ideas and stirring perception. The roofs create open space, insulate the building, cool the surrounding air and harvest rainwater for landscaping irrigation. Planted grasses mix with native greenery to colonize the building and bond it to the setting.

10image
Designer creates a sink that uses wasted water to grow a plant

11image

Made of polished stained concrete, the Zen Garden Sink has a channel that allows the water used while washing your hands to water a plant. Created by young Montreal designer Jean-Michel Gauvreau the sink comes in single or double basin model. The sink is designed in a way you won't get your plants all soapy. There is a main drain at the bottom of the basin for soapy grime. Your little plant friend just gets whatever you choose to dole out.

15image
Designer creates a shower that forces you to leave when you've wasted too much water

5image

20% of our total domestic energy usage is from hot water for showering and bathing. That's over 6 times the energy usage of domestic lighting. So designer Tommaso Colia came up with his eco-friendly shower design that will force you to get out when you take too long and waste much water. The eco_drop shower features beautiful concentric circles that will rise to force you to stop showering when you take too long, and accordingly save water.

9image
Designer creates light-switch that changes colors to teach children how to save energy  

12image


Teaching the importance of energy conservation is the goal of this design from Tim Holley. He calls it Tio, and it's a ghost-shaped light switch that gives kids a visual reminder of how much energy they've used by leaving lights on. Tio starts out green and smiling. If the light is left on for more than four hours, he turns yellow and looks shocked. And if you dare to leave that light on for more than eight hours, sweet little Tio turns into a raging red hulk, complete with frowny mouth and angry eyes. But he won't just visually remind your kids about their energy habits; information from the light switch is sent to Tio's computer program so the entire family can see how they're doing. In a brilliant piece of visual positive reinforcement, Holley's program lets kids grow a ⤽virtual tree⤠which gets bigger and healthier the more energy they save.

3image
Environmental company creates a staple-free stapler to avoid staple pollution

2image

Staples are supposed to be so bad to the environment that a company decided to create a staple-free stapler. This product promises to make collation eco-friendly. Instead of using those thin metal planet-killers, the staple-free stapler "cuts out tiny strips of paper and uses the strips to stitch up to five pieces of paper together." You can even order them customized with your corporate logo so you can, you know, brag about what your company is doing to stop the staple epidemic.

1image
Designer creates an iPhone charger powered by a hand grip

Image
 

                                       Bottle Opener Remote

Att00001


                            Sauce Dispensing Chopsticks!

Att00002

                                Self-Locking Bendy Bike

Att00003

                                     Pillow With Arm Hole

7image

                                       Finger Guard

Att00006

                                      Pizza Scissors

Att00007

                                                 Retro vision Glasses


Att00009


                                   Car Swivel Chair

Att00010


                                       Tea Pot Frame

Att00011


                                 Keyboard Food Tray

Att00012

 
  
  
 


 

 


0image

4image

6image

Att00005

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The Chinese Torture

A young man is wandering and lost in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door, he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the young man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old, and entered the house. 
 
During dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet, so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. 
 
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought."If that's the best the old man can do, then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window, and threw the boulder out. 
 
 
As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. 
 
 
As he plummeted towards the ground, he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post."

Why Indian Students are attacked abroad?

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: ' Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese  Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, September 4th, 2008'.